By Kelly Wilton
It’s 2023, the pandemic of the last few years is firmly behind us yet families are still feeling isolated due to the lack of understanding and acceptance of the wider community, and sometimes even from their own family and friends.
More than ever, we hear our community say that if only accomodations were listened and acted upon, then we would be able to feel ‘included’ in the way that works for our families, not what suits the majority.
Accomodations don’t have to be complicated, with a little planning and understanding, we can develop healthy relationships.
Here are 5 things that would really help –
1. Do ask questions but think carefully before you speak:
Give it some consideration before a question comes barrelling out. Remember to be respectful and think about boundaries and how well you know the person you’re speaking to. Are questions of a personal nature really any of your business if you are just having a casual chat while waiting for your coffee order to be filled at work?
We have families, like yours, and we are all different. You can be curious and kind at the same time.
2. Do hold space for us to talk and vent if we need to:
If we open up to you, please don’t shut us down with a “my friend has a kid that has a cousin who has something like that”. Also, saying “at least it’s not that bad” completely diminishes what we’ve just shared with you.
Please do not assume anything unless you have lived experience and can relate authentically.
3. Don’t give unsolicited advice:
If we haven’t asked for your advice then don’t give it. Many of us have been in this scenario far too many times, and it gets old, real fast. So please, don’t go there unless you’re asked.
4. Don’t pretend your friend doesn’t have a child with a disability:
Often our child’s condition and everything it entails is the biggest thing in our life.
It affects all of us in our immediate family – our relationships with our partners, siblings, family, friends, work relationships, the list goes on. Our world centres around providing the support, structure and love that is needed to support our child in a world that is often quick to dismiss anything that doesn’t fit the norm.
Saying things like “He doesn’t look that bad/sick” dismisses all the hard work that goes on behind the scenes that you simply are not privy to. Instead try “I love his/her spirit, and his/her attitude” it shows you are looking more deeply than the superficial act of a quick glance and judgement on someone else.
5. Don’t take it personally.
If we can’t attend a meet up at the last minute, please don’t take it personally.
A lot of us don’t have time to ever regroup, which leads to burn out and overwhelm, something we will never actually admit to. We are done! Let us be, let us regroup and we will come back. We promise!
