By Kelly Wilton
It was only the other day that I felt a huge relief lift off my shoulders.
A check up with my son’s nuero with a kind and compassionate specialist who really looked at me and said “what you do is not typical. It is more than a lot of parents. You have to remember that”.
I said to him, “do any of us really take that in? We are so busy living day to day and just getting on with it, that it is a normal day for us. It’s become our normal.” The joyful moments of achievement which others wouldn’t understand, as their children develop typically and become more indepedant and less reliant on their parents. For us, we don’t know if that will ever change. We know that we are just as relied upon now, if not more, as our children grow older, and that can be daunting.
But we carry this alone a lot of the time, too afraid to really tell people the full story for fear of judgment, misunderstanding and unfortunately, criticism. Yes, the same criticism from people who have never walked a day in our shoes, yet feel compelled to tell us how we could be doing it all so much better.
The kind doctor reminded me again that what we do day to day may be typical for our family, and families walking a similar path, but it isn’t the status quo. As much as we try to fit our round peg family into the square hole of society, we are completely who we are and really, to embrace it, to recognise it and to accept it for the great work that we all do to keep going forward. The advocacy, the showing up despite the sh*t-storms, and our amazing kids who lead the way.
He looked at my tired eyes, as he has done so in the past decade and truly saw me, the mum, the advocate, the parent behind the child, in that moment. It was, I believe the first time, I felt really seen by someone who didn’t need to validate my actions, but felt the need to remind me of them and the purpose behind them.
And so I say to you, if you haven’t been told in a while, by someone you feel really sees you, we see you.
You do the incredible, the unthinkable, and that in fact, makes you quite remarkable.
Be kind to yourself, mama. Your future self will thank you.
