By Kelly Wilton
Talking about self-care can almost induce feelings of guilt – if it’s not part of your daily to-do list, you feel guilty for thinking about adding a further thing to the list , or the fact that you are not doing it, brings on the guilts!
You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t!
But for women like us special needs mamas, our self-care is not just about lattes with the ladies, facials or massages. Despite those things being very nice – they aren’t always manageable with the already time poor lives we lead. If we are not dropping everything and running to appointments for our kids, we are rushing to work, school or anywhere else (the current Covid climate taking on a different form of what this looks like!). It all takes away from even coming close to considering what a self-care practice might look like.
What do you mean, take time for me? How could I possibly fit that in amongst the endless list of things I have to do? Just with modern day to day life, most of us don’t have enough time to enjoy a hot coffee – amIright?!
Some days, it’s just about getting through the day, dropping into bed, only to wake up and do it all again!
Desmond Tutu once wisely said that “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.” Everything in life that is worth doing always feels daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible at first.
Progress no matter how small, is still progress. Remember how much joy we feel and give our children for their inchstones, how about celebrating your very own inchstones?
BE KIND TO YOURSELF!
Remember we have lucked into one of the most unique parenting gigs there is. There are no manuals for us! There are no guidebooks here – we are with children who are making their own way through life, off the charts! And that is scary in itself, however, you can flip that on its head and in time, we forget about all the What If’s and go with everything that has been achieved and we celebrate it all! And that applies to us too, celebrate all the small ways you are trying to improve your life and your own wellbeing.
Here are some simple ways you can get started:
1. Be compassionate with yourself ie BE KIND TO YOURSELF!
Think about one thing that you like about yourself and remind yourself daily of the strengths you have. Look at the way you advocate for your child and what you are learning along this path. That in itself is a gift and a skill not all are given in life. Move from there, onto other areas you like about yourself. Talk to yourself, like you would a friend, what would you say to them?
It’s not an easy thing to do but once you get used to valuing your strengths, you will allow your self-confidence to grow. This self confidence becomes self awareness, and you will be kinder to yourself and in turn, when you stop criticising yourself the negative voice inside you will fade out.
2. Stop spreading yourself too thinly and learn to say no to unnecessary external demands
You can’t be everything to everybody, you need to slow down and stop trying to do everything to the detriment of your own well-being. How many times do we over book ourselves to then be silently relieved when we pull out at the last minute because we knew that it didn’t sit right with us. Maybe you know that for your current emotional state, you need to pull back a bit. That’s ok. Don’t feel guilty for saying no. Feel proud of putting yourself first.
It’s okay to be gentle with yourself, and to also hand over the reins now and again and let somebody else do the jobs! You don’t have to put your hand up for everything. If your family are used to you doing everything, there will be a transition period for you all of a new way going forward. By putting boundaries in place, you are in a far better position to help your long-term health in the long run. So just say No!
3 Do more of what you love in life
Whatever it is, no matter how small, just do it more! Whether you enjoy being alone or if you love being with others it doesn’t matter, just do it more!
We might think that having hobbies is only for kids or people who have oodles of time on their hands. The thing is, we will never have the time but if we make the time, even just 10 mins a day, see how you feel after doing what you really love (and doing absolutely nothing, counts too! Rest counts – see below!)
4 Listen to your body.
We are all guilty of soldiering on even though we are absolutely exhausted. Listen to your body, if you feel you need to rest, rest when you can and don’t feel guilty about it.
Allow your body some time for healing and decompression, look after your body and soul. If it’s music, listen to it. Even if you start putting on your music whilst you are driving to and from places. Create that space to put in your ears something that uplifts you. Maybe a podcast a friend has suggested, or even a Ted Talk via YouTube.
These are just a few ideas but think of other small things you might be able to add in your week. A bath, even if only 10mins, will allow some slow down time. Take social media off your phone for a couple of days, just to have a break! Even better, put your phone on airplane mode for a short time and focus on music, silence, breathing or anything that will allow you some space. See how you feel afterwards just giving some much needed time back to yourself.
And remember the most important one to always come back to is being you is enough.
