By Kat Barlow: Empowerment Ethos
I know that when things get hard I start to make up stories in my head.
“If I don’t talk about it my mates that will make it easier…they don’t want to hear about my stuff…they won’t understand what I am going through…it will be easier to just detach…I don’t want people to know how weird/hard/strange things are…it’s just another sad thing to share and they don’t need that”
Now I didn’t know this was what I was doing, or at least I wasn’t aware. It was easier to not think about it much.
I am getting better at it now…BUT I do still hear that voice when the poo hits the fan.
Most of the time I can tell the voice to pipe down but I am also blessed with mates who notice I am quiet too. Mainly because I can talk underwater most of the time, so quiet is unusual for me.
If we truly believe everyone else is having a “normal” time and wouldn’t be interested in our stuff we only succeed in isolating ourselves.
To add to this isolation loop is the this fantasy of a normal life and “this time things might be easier”….the thought…that maybe this time will be better keeps us going. It’s a tough loop to be in.
Acceptance that things are different…and that our reality isn’t ordinary…is key.
So is connection. It’s essential. It’s not easy to reach out and say “ Hey do you have space to listen to me because I really need to talk about something that’s hard”
Maybe deep down we are worried we will deepen the disconnection by having people see how tough it is and scare them off.
But when you are lying face down in pit of despair…turn your head to the side. There is a whole bunch of us down there with you. Wave! Hiiii!!! I see you!! People you didn’t expect,
“Hey I thought you had your shit together”
“Hey I thought you did too”
“Why didn’t you say anything??”
“Why didn’t you?”
We disconnect from our heart when we feel like we have too much to handle. But we are created to belong and to feel connected. Self compassion and then reaching out helps anxiety, depression, chronic stress, exhaustion and loneliness. We are all in this together.
Nothing you will ever say will be too much for me to handle. I want to hear what you have to say, I get it, because I live it too.
And one more thing, I am never going through too much to be unable to hear you, listen to you, connect with you because your stuff is somehow less. That’s a story you made up.
So let’s make a deal. To connect. To share. Together we can do anything.
Reposted with permission https://www.empowermentethos.com/
