By Laura Spiegel
I recently took a class on how to create a gratitude practice. As the mother of a young child who lives with cystic fibrosis, I know how important it is to slow down and appreciate life’s little moments. But knowing it and doing it are two very different things.
Research has shown that practicing gratitude can help improve general well-being, increase resilience, strengthen social relationships, and reduce stress and depression. But here’s the kicker. To get the most out of these benefits, we have to practice gratitude daily.
Damn.
If you’re like me, from the moment you open your eyes and taste your first sip of liquid gold (i.e. coffee) – to the moment your head hits the pillow at night – you are on the go. Meals to prepare, emails to send, calls to make, meetings to take, sibling mediation to broker, tears to dry. Oh, and apologies to make for the inevitable mistakes you make throughout.
For those of us whose kids have special medical, developmental, or behavioural health care needs, there is also therapy to do, pills to count, doctors to call, bills to negotiate, and more.
Taking time to sit in the moment and savor it can feel like…well…just one more thing.
I get it. I felt this way for a long time. But then I borrowed from my best friend and mental health counselor the idea of doing a short thankfulness activity with my family. Each night, I give everyone in my family two slips of paper. On one paper, we write one thing we are thankful for from that day. On the other, we write one person we want to pray for or think about. We then take turns talking about what we wrote and placing the slips of paper in our thankfulness bowl.
I’ll admit that the first time I tried this, I had doubts. It felt a little “woo woo” even for us.
But then…
My nine-year-old son was thankful for the sunshine and the good food he ate.
My six-year-old daughter was thankful for her chance to FaceTime with a friend.
My husband was thankful for his job in spite of the frustration it brought that day.
I was thankful for my family’s willingness to sit together and try something new.
We prayed for George Floyd’s family, for a family friend who was recently in a devastating car accident, and for friends and colleagues who are battling cancer and COVID-19. We prayed for each other.
“This was the best part of my day,” my son remarked. (To say this was unexpected would be an understatement).
Some days, this activity takes my family 10 minutes. Other days, it stretches much longer. Either way, this simple bowl is sparking conversations about what is going on in the world around us. It’s reminding my kids – and us adults! – that life is about so much more than what is happening within these four walls. That others are having a hard time. That we can be doing more to listen. To empathize. To help.
That our lives are about more than just…us.
It’s also reminding us that the little things we take for granted when we are head down in the daily grind are often what matter most.
Sunshine. Family. Health. Community. Love.
I am trying to find ways to appreciate these blessings as I experience them throughout the day. To pause and acknowledge them. To give thanks.
But I don’t beat myself up if I forget. I’ve got 10 minutes with my family at the end of the day to do just that.
And for me, that makes all the difference.
Building a gratitude practice can look different for everyone. Some benefit from making a list of things they are grateful for right when they wake up. Others keep a gratitude journal. Still others take time at the end of the day to think of three good things that happened and to reflect on what that means to them. How we practice gratitude is irrelevant, so long as we take the time to do it.
What are you grateful for today?
For 12 years, Laura Spiegel partnered with physicians and psychologists to help people with chronic illness lead happy and healthy lives. Her professional and personal worlds collided in 2013 when her own daughter was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Laura founded Paint Her in Color after realising that emotional support for parents like her was hard to find. Visit http://www.paintherincolor/ to find out more and read more of Laura’s writing.
